Good Riddance - Time of Your Life

So that's another year on the board for me. I turned twenty today. That's two decades of wreaking havoc on the planet earth! Look at me go!

Looking back on the last year... So many things have changed. In the last year, I've made so many decisions... And so many of them changed my life. It hasn't been an easy year, and perhaps that's partially karma. The prior year was basically all fun and games, so I guess it's about time I got what was coming to me. It's okay though, because I learned a lot this year and I thought I would impart some of this knowledge to you, whoever you are, that happens to be reading this.

I think the most valuable lesson I've learned, and something that should be common sense but we all tend to take for granted, is savor the happy moments. You get to a place in life where they become few and far between, so it's good to have the aftertaste of something wonderful to look back on. Take lots of pictures. Make lots of memories. Create opportunities to be with the people you care about, because they're worth it, and it could all be gone in an instant. I think that may be a lesson Sami reiterated for me. I still have a hard time thinking and talking about that. I to do so, however, as often as I can... I've made the mistake of not allowing myself to mourn before, and I will forever reap the consequences.

Know who you are, and be conscientious of who you want to be. If coming from a small town has taught be nothing at all, it did teach me this: People who have no goals or focus, go nowhere. It pains me to see so many good people just rotting away, treating themselves and other people like so much refuse. It makes me think if they would stop and think about it for an instant they might be able to make more of themselves. It really is sad that so many people would rather just live moment to moment, trapped in a whorlpool of instant gratification, where all they can think about is what is going to make them feel better now, no matter what the consequences are in the future. It really is sad.

This year has taught be the importance of loving yourself, and not letting other people define how you feel about you. I guess this is tied back to the Codependency video I've posted about a thousand times, and I hope it's affected someone. I guess I post it so much because it hits pretty close to home. I'm only one in a sea of people that have had issues with self-worth, and I know how hard it is to recover sometimes... But you know what? How can you truly learn to love someone else if you can't even love yourself? Knowing yourself as and individual and being happy with who you are is so essential to having healthy relationships with other people... Looking for all the good things about yourself in other people can try a relationship so intensely... I've been on both sides of that coin, and that's why I can say this... Do whatever you need to do to get right with yourself, because in the end, you'll be better off for it, I promise.

One day at a time is more than enough. Sometimes it's good to have a plan or a schedule, because some people need that kind of organization. I understand that because I'm one of those people. But if you overload yourself and try to handle a week's worth of crap in one day, you just end up stressed out and unhappy, and in the end you make everyone around you unhappy too. I struggle with this CONSTANTLY. If my life were a fairytale, Stress would be my dragon, and it and I would have an epic battle almost every day. And I can't tell you how important it is to just stop and relax once in a while. I'm pretty sure I almost lost my sanity this last semester, because once in a while I would forget what's REALLY good for me, and it's not perfect grades (though that would be nice, it's unrealistic.)

Lastly, but certainly not leastly, know when to let go. Sometimes that's a hard line to draw but... I've talked before about how I have a hard time with pulling back and learning when I just have to step away but... I feel like I'm getting better. I think I owe that in part to that fact that I've realized giving 110% isn't worth it unless you're going to get it back. And I also think I owe that to the fact that in the last year I've gotten really close to some wonderful people who do give that 110%. Those people have shown me that there is hope for mankind, and it's not totally comprised of selfish bastards.

So I guess... happy birthday to me :) It's been a good year, if a difficult one... But it's okay! Hopefully this one will be another worthwhile year...

Merry Christmas everyone...



Another turning point;
a fork stuck in the road.
Time grabs you by the wrist;
directs you where to go.

So make the best of this test
and don't ask why.
It's not a question
but a lesson learned in time.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

So take the photographs
and still frames in your mind.
Hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time.

Tattoos of memories
and dead skin on trial.
For what it's worth,
it was worth all the while.

It's something unpredictable
but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

- Good Riddance - Time of Your Life, Green Day