I look back at the past year and it's like looking at optical illusion. There's always two ways to see a thing, depending on if you're focusing on the light or dark.
On the one hand, last year was one of the most difficult of my life. I wasn't as truly happy as I pretended to be. I was caught up with the rest of the world in the fantasy of my relationship, this unrealistic snapshot of the perfect couple that will never ever exist. We were making good money, but the material satisfaction served as a sufficient mask to hide our problems from ourselves.
And then, of course, Emil lost his job. Easily one of the most traumatic experiences I have been through so far. The weight of the moment still haunts me sometimes, makes me feel ill and tired and scared, because we still really haven't fully recovered... and it may be a long time before we do still.
But on the other hand, I can't help but feel incredibly blessed. Looking back, it was like everything happened exactly how it needed to.
When Emil lost his job, in a lot of ways it felt like the world was crumbling underneath us. But you know, in those turbulent times, we were forced to face reality.We had to confront things that we had been ignoring because it was easy. It's amazing how when things get hard issues come crawling out of the woodwork. In spite of the ugliness we came out on the other end so much better than we were before. And now, I couldn't be happier and more grateful for the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. It really is amazing.
At the same time, I feel like I got a real "attitude adjustment" as my grandparents would call it. I learned to let go and not be such a control freak. Life really has a way of showing you who's in control, and it's certainly not you. Letting go was one of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn in life, and now I've noticed myself more able to take things in stride and roll with the punches more than ever before. I still get wound up and stressed out sometimes but... I am so much better than I used to be.
I've had the belief that I can and will always do whatever I have to to make things work for me affirmed. I know myself, and I know what I have to do to succeed. And I will not let anything stand in my way. I've learned that it's okay to be weak, and to fall, as long as you get back up and keep going. I feel like this year has really tempered me into a stronger person than I was before. Stronger, more independent, closer to the person I've always wanted to be.
So I want to leave you with this thought: Even the worst situations have something to be gleaned within. No matter how hard things are, no matter how ugly or scary, you can conquer. Just keep your head up, don't give up, don't let yourself be defeated, and just keep moving forward.
You got this!
I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
In comes breadcrumbs
I've been trying to survive
The glow that the sun gives
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yeah.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yeah.
I know it's hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yaeh.
I've got my hands in my pockets,
Kickin these rocks.
Its kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I'm buyin into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with,
The confidence in my eyes
I'm seeing all the angles,
Starts to get tangled
I start to compromise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it,
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.
Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
- Keep Your Head Up - Andy Grammer
