I've been thinking about starting over a lot lately.
Picking up, disappearing, and never looking back.
I feel like here my destiny is being wrought for me... like my past is controlling my future in the way only coming from a small town can. It colors my reality in such an ugly and complicated why... it makes me feel a little disenchanted with the world.
And this makes me feel like maybe my destiny is somewhere else...
I want to find a place to belong. I think that's what we're all looking for in the end, right? A place that you can look at and say, "I'm home. I'm meant to be here."
There are times when I feel like I've never truly had somewhere like that. At the very least... It's been a long time. I think it's wrong when you can cite specific moments that felt like tangible times of true belonging. Aren't you always supposed to feel like that, at least when you're with family? I guess I don't really have that....
Maybe THAT is truly my biggest wish for the next year... Not that I could ever forsake what I have, since Emil has always given me a safe-haven... He IS home for me... But I guess what I'm looking for is... something other than that.
Whatever it is... I hope I find it.
I am terrified of all things.
Frightened of the dark.
I am.
You are taller than a mountain.
Deeper than the sea.
You are.
Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
I was closer to you back then.
I was happier.
I was.
You are fading further from me.
Why don't you come home to me?
Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
I am...
I am...
Cold.
Hold Me.
