Name

Maybe I'm just naive.

Maybe I love too hard too fast too readily.

Maybe I'm too easy used and manipulated.

Or maybe I'm too willing to manipulate just to fuck with people. (That's not a maybe. It's a fact.)

And maybe from now on I'll turn a blind eye, and I'll choose to forget.

Maybe I'll forget who I was

Maybe I'll grow up some more (even though I'm too grown up for a 19-year-old. I should be out making mistakes and doing stupid shit, and whining about problems that don't exist.) I'll start being a real adult and I'll stop expecting anything from anyone because that is the worst idea I've ever had.

Maybe I'll move forward in my life, and become something I wish I wasn't, something I wish I didn't have to be. I will become the shape life has destined for me and I will stop resisting (Giving Up And Growing Old And Hoping There's A God).

That's life I guess~ Moral of The Story Kids: Growing up is a whole bunch of bullshit.


And even though the moment passed me by,
I still can't turn away.
Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose
Got tossed along the way,
And letters that you never meant to send
Get lost or thrown away.

And now we're grown up orphans
That never knew their names.
We don't belong to no one.
That's a shame,
But if you could hide beside me
Maybe for a while
And I won't tell no one your name

And I won't tell em your name

Scars are souvenirs you never lose.
The past is never far.
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are?

You grew up way too fast,
And now there's nothing to believe,
And reruns all become our history.
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio,
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name

I think about you all the time,
But I don't need the same.
It's lonely where you are come back down
And I won't tell em your name.

- Name, Goo Goo Dolls

Haunt You Every Day

Sometimes I don't understand the world I live in.

Supposedly the whole thing, no matter what religion or non-religion you believe in, is held together in some precarious yet perfect balance.

So how is it that so many things in so many people's lives seem so incredibly imbalanced? How is it that so many people suffer insult upon injury when they deserve so much more?

Sometimes I just don't understand the world I live in.

Maybe I'm just much too anxious a person. This is not to say that my problems are anything noteworthy, yet it is to say that every day I find myself conflicted about a ludicrous amount of things. Though lately it's been a reoccurring theme. I feel like, perhaps, I'm the one who has done the most amount of injustice in this world, and I don't know how to make amends. Or in some instances, I feel like I have been the one enduring the injury, yet I still feel perhaps it is my responsibility to piece everything back together.

I feel like I need guidance, and I don't know where to turn.

It's not like me to not handle a problem. It's not like me to sit, stewing in my own emotions. And maybe in recent months I've lost a piece of myself. Maybe that's the reason for all the episodes I've been having lately. Or maybe the reason for those is the fact that I can feel myself slowly crushing my own backbone, giving in to sheer... desperation? "Even if it's a one-way street, it's still a street." - Probably the most pathetic thing I've ever said in my life... Especially in reference to a friendship.

There's no doubt I've been less of myself than I once was.

More and more frequently, when I begin to become concerned about a friend's well-being I stop myself. I tell myself it's none of my business, and I shouldn't get involved. It's like I stifle myself before I get a chance to reach out to the people in my life that I like or even love. It's so selfish of me, as if I've been burned badly enough to warrant turning antisocial.

I guess what I really mean is I don't understand myself.

But in the end, here is my advice to you: Don't let yourself be in relationships that are 100%/75%... You should never give more of yourself to someone than they are willing to give to you. If you can sense it, which if you think about it, I'm sure you can, then get away, or at least pull back. If you don't, you could be in for some serious consequences, and you'll be the only one who gets hurt.

Wow, what an idiot.... This blog sounds a lot more emo than I meant it to XP Ahhh well.



Walking on my own
Leaving you behind
You were crying out
That you need to speak your mind

Ohhh
So alone in love
So alone in love
I'm going to haunt you every day
Haunt you every day

....

When will stupid learn
Fire's gonna burn
Think of consequence
Then you move when its your turn

Ohhh
So alone in love
So alone in love
I'm going to haunt you every day
Haunt you every day

- Haunt you Every Day, Weezer