I have not been this excited about a new person coming into my life in a long time.
And I am terrified.
Darling, you are the only exception
And I'm on my way to believing.
- The Only Exception, Paramore.
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Cracks
Wisps of smoke evanesce into the dark night sky.
She looks down at the glow between her fingers and catches herself doing something she never thought she'd do. She's not a smoker, but she's well on the way to becoming one. The pattern has been set over the past days: Come home, light up, relax.
Something about stimulants gives her release, or perhaps it's just the comfort of self-destruction. It's always been in her nature, like somehow catching that downward spiral might eventually hurl her forward or upward.
Well... Once you've hit rock bottom there's nowhere left to go but up.
It's funny how some conversations can never be unhad, the words burning themselves into your brain, digging up old wounds and insecurities like a dead and rotted corpse. The smell is equally rancid. That's the one thing she really can't stand about smoking: The smell.
Maybe someday, she thinks wistfully, I'll get to start over. Maybe that's what I need... a fresh start. I'll never make the same mistakes again.
But for now she grinds the cigarette butt into the ground, tries to shake the stink out of her hair, and goes back inside.
And the cracks begin to show.
- Cracks by Freestylers
She looks down at the glow between her fingers and catches herself doing something she never thought she'd do. She's not a smoker, but she's well on the way to becoming one. The pattern has been set over the past days: Come home, light up, relax.
Something about stimulants gives her release, or perhaps it's just the comfort of self-destruction. It's always been in her nature, like somehow catching that downward spiral might eventually hurl her forward or upward.
Well... Once you've hit rock bottom there's nowhere left to go but up.
It's funny how some conversations can never be unhad, the words burning themselves into your brain, digging up old wounds and insecurities like a dead and rotted corpse. The smell is equally rancid. That's the one thing she really can't stand about smoking: The smell.
Maybe someday, she thinks wistfully, I'll get to start over. Maybe that's what I need... a fresh start. I'll never make the same mistakes again.
But for now she grinds the cigarette butt into the ground, tries to shake the stink out of her hair, and goes back inside.
And the cracks begin to show.
- Cracks by Freestylers
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Keep Your Head Up
I look back at the past year and it's like looking at optical illusion. There's always two ways to see a thing, depending on if you're focusing on the light or dark.
On the one hand, last year was one of the most difficult of my life. I wasn't as truly happy as I pretended to be. I was caught up with the rest of the world in the fantasy of my relationship, this unrealistic snapshot of the perfect couple that will never ever exist. We were making good money, but the material satisfaction served as a sufficient mask to hide our problems from ourselves.
And then, of course, Emil lost his job. Easily one of the most traumatic experiences I have been through so far. The weight of the moment still haunts me sometimes, makes me feel ill and tired and scared, because we still really haven't fully recovered... and it may be a long time before we do still.
But on the other hand, I can't help but feel incredibly blessed. Looking back, it was like everything happened exactly how it needed to.
When Emil lost his job, in a lot of ways it felt like the world was crumbling underneath us. But you know, in those turbulent times, we were forced to face reality.We had to confront things that we had been ignoring because it was easy. It's amazing how when things get hard issues come crawling out of the woodwork. In spite of the ugliness we came out on the other end so much better than we were before. And now, I couldn't be happier and more grateful for the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. It really is amazing.
At the same time, I feel like I got a real "attitude adjustment" as my grandparents would call it. I learned to let go and not be such a control freak. Life really has a way of showing you who's in control, and it's certainly not you. Letting go was one of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn in life, and now I've noticed myself more able to take things in stride and roll with the punches more than ever before. I still get wound up and stressed out sometimes but... I am so much better than I used to be.
I've had the belief that I can and will always do whatever I have to to make things work for me affirmed. I know myself, and I know what I have to do to succeed. And I will not let anything stand in my way. I've learned that it's okay to be weak, and to fall, as long as you get back up and keep going. I feel like this year has really tempered me into a stronger person than I was before. Stronger, more independent, closer to the person I've always wanted to be.
So I want to leave you with this thought: Even the worst situations have something to be gleaned within. No matter how hard things are, no matter how ugly or scary, you can conquer. Just keep your head up, don't give up, don't let yourself be defeated, and just keep moving forward.
You got this!
I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
In comes breadcrumbs
I've been trying to survive
The glow that the sun gives
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yeah.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yeah.
I know it's hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yaeh.
I've got my hands in my pockets,
Kickin these rocks.
Its kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I'm buyin into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with,
The confidence in my eyes
I'm seeing all the angles,
Starts to get tangled
I start to compromise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it,
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.
Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
- Keep Your Head Up - Andy Grammer
On the one hand, last year was one of the most difficult of my life. I wasn't as truly happy as I pretended to be. I was caught up with the rest of the world in the fantasy of my relationship, this unrealistic snapshot of the perfect couple that will never ever exist. We were making good money, but the material satisfaction served as a sufficient mask to hide our problems from ourselves.
And then, of course, Emil lost his job. Easily one of the most traumatic experiences I have been through so far. The weight of the moment still haunts me sometimes, makes me feel ill and tired and scared, because we still really haven't fully recovered... and it may be a long time before we do still.
But on the other hand, I can't help but feel incredibly blessed. Looking back, it was like everything happened exactly how it needed to.
When Emil lost his job, in a lot of ways it felt like the world was crumbling underneath us. But you know, in those turbulent times, we were forced to face reality.We had to confront things that we had been ignoring because it was easy. It's amazing how when things get hard issues come crawling out of the woodwork. In spite of the ugliness we came out on the other end so much better than we were before. And now, I couldn't be happier and more grateful for the man I chose to spend the rest of my life with. It really is amazing.
At the same time, I feel like I got a real "attitude adjustment" as my grandparents would call it. I learned to let go and not be such a control freak. Life really has a way of showing you who's in control, and it's certainly not you. Letting go was one of the most difficult lessons I've had to learn in life, and now I've noticed myself more able to take things in stride and roll with the punches more than ever before. I still get wound up and stressed out sometimes but... I am so much better than I used to be.
I've had the belief that I can and will always do whatever I have to to make things work for me affirmed. I know myself, and I know what I have to do to succeed. And I will not let anything stand in my way. I've learned that it's okay to be weak, and to fall, as long as you get back up and keep going. I feel like this year has really tempered me into a stronger person than I was before. Stronger, more independent, closer to the person I've always wanted to be.
So I want to leave you with this thought: Even the worst situations have something to be gleaned within. No matter how hard things are, no matter how ugly or scary, you can conquer. Just keep your head up, don't give up, don't let yourself be defeated, and just keep moving forward.
You got this!
I've been waiting on the sunset
Bills on my mindset
I can't deny they're getting high
Higher than my income
In comes breadcrumbs
I've been trying to survive
The glow that the sun gives
Right around sunset
Helps me realize
This is just a journey
Drop your worries
You are gonna turn out fine.
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yeah.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yeah.
I know it's hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, yaeh.
I've got my hands in my pockets,
Kickin these rocks.
Its kinda hard to watch this life go by.
I'm buyin into skeptics,
Skeptics mess with,
The confidence in my eyes
I'm seeing all the angles,
Starts to get tangled
I start to compromise
My life and the purpose.
Is it all worth it,
Am I gonna turn out fine?
Oh, you'll turn out fine.
Fine, oh, you'll turn out fine.
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
You gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard,
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around again.
Only rainbows after rain
The sun will always come again.
And its a circle, circling,
Around again, it comes around,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
I know it's hard, know its hard
To remember sometimes,
But you gotta keep your head up, oh,
And you can let your hair down, eh.
- Keep Your Head Up - Andy Grammer
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Peace
So I wrote about this once already but I didn't advertise it because it was more of an angry rant than anything... basically completely unproductive since the only thing it did was make me more upset.
A little less than one month ago today, Emil was fired. Needless to say, I had enough reasons prior to the incident to want to burn that damn place down. This did not help my efforts in resisting the urge... among other things.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an intense worrier. I worry about everything and everyone always. So you can imagine that this has not done my psyche any great kindness. The tidal waves of stress have been enough to knock me over, over and over again, to the point where I was sure I would drown in it.
And of course, if you know me, you know that stress does nothing for my personality. I've been a terrible person, especially to Emil. I feel like the only thing I can see around me is negativity, and it brings out all my worst qualities. I feel like a spoiled child. I feel like an old woman. I feel stupid. Sometimes I feel like this must be some kind of divine punishment or karmic backlash. And then I feel so silly because I know that life is life and sometimes this stuff happens... Why should I expect any different?
But really, is anyone prepared for this kind of thing when it happens? Don't we all walk around thinking, 'It won't happen to me. I'm prepared. I'll be ready if and when it happens.' I always thought that way... And then one day it did, and I suddenly realized how unprepared I really was...
I was not prepared to suddenly be supporting myself and another person on a student paycheck. I was not prepared to come back from a vacation, only to discover that I probably should have hung on to all that precious, ugly money. I was not prepared to learn that I would need to brace myself, because I'm probably going to have to scrounge up $2,000 in tuition from God knows where.
And that's the part that makes me feel really childish. There are times when I feel so sorry for myself... But what makes me so special? What makes me so special that I should be able to handle this burden better than anyone else? Nothing. I'm still just a stupid 20-year-old, with no life experience, who is in way over her head in this world, throwing a tantrum because she bit off more than she could chew. And then I feel stupid. I really have shot myself in the foot this time, huh?
It's this kind of thinking that is really not healthy for a person. Sometimes the way I go around and around with myself makes my head feel like it's going to pop. It would probably be easier if I had some other kind of outlet... but I don't write, really... I don't draw. I haven't even touched my piano in months (don't tell my mom...). My friends are, for the most part, out of reach (to no fault of their own, that's adult life)... and I'm sure they're more tired of hearing about it than I am talking about it... So I guess, for the most part, I feel like I'm on my own as far as handling it...
As far as staying positive, some days are better than others. The hardest emotion to stay in control of is my raging frustration that I could take out on anyone or anything. Sometimes I seriously feel like I could run through my apartment trashing everything, just to vent. So I try running and cleaning... and that seems to help...
I feel a little guilty, since I'm so focused on handling myself that I don't even know about Emil, and how he's feeling... but honestly I can't tell... I'm not even gonna start complaining about how he's handling the situation on my blog but... Yea. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm sure he has his issues with it but... it's not immediately apparent to me, and he's not much for talking about it, and anymore, I'm not much for asking.
For now, I will continue to hope that things get better soon... or that maybe a miracle will happen tomorrow and we'll be rich and I can stop worrying. Until then, I'll keep my nose to the grindstone and my chin up as high as I can get it...
If that's even physically possible XP
More and more I can't say no,
So afraid of letting go.
If there's something I can grab,
You can bet I'll pay the tab.
Counting all the flowers,
waste the precious hours,
I need to find some peace.
All these problems on my mind,
make it hard for me to think.
There is no way I can stop,
my poor brain is gonna pop.
And I don't have a purpose
scattered on the surface,
I need to find some peace.
woah-oh-oh-oh.
And all the broken tethers,
we can bring together,
I need to find some peace.
- "Peace," Weezer
A little less than one month ago today, Emil was fired. Needless to say, I had enough reasons prior to the incident to want to burn that damn place down. This did not help my efforts in resisting the urge... among other things.
Anyone who knows me knows that I am an intense worrier. I worry about everything and everyone always. So you can imagine that this has not done my psyche any great kindness. The tidal waves of stress have been enough to knock me over, over and over again, to the point where I was sure I would drown in it.
And of course, if you know me, you know that stress does nothing for my personality. I've been a terrible person, especially to Emil. I feel like the only thing I can see around me is negativity, and it brings out all my worst qualities. I feel like a spoiled child. I feel like an old woman. I feel stupid. Sometimes I feel like this must be some kind of divine punishment or karmic backlash. And then I feel so silly because I know that life is life and sometimes this stuff happens... Why should I expect any different?
But really, is anyone prepared for this kind of thing when it happens? Don't we all walk around thinking, 'It won't happen to me. I'm prepared. I'll be ready if and when it happens.' I always thought that way... And then one day it did, and I suddenly realized how unprepared I really was...
I was not prepared to suddenly be supporting myself and another person on a student paycheck. I was not prepared to come back from a vacation, only to discover that I probably should have hung on to all that precious, ugly money. I was not prepared to learn that I would need to brace myself, because I'm probably going to have to scrounge up $2,000 in tuition from God knows where.
And that's the part that makes me feel really childish. There are times when I feel so sorry for myself... But what makes me so special? What makes me so special that I should be able to handle this burden better than anyone else? Nothing. I'm still just a stupid 20-year-old, with no life experience, who is in way over her head in this world, throwing a tantrum because she bit off more than she could chew. And then I feel stupid. I really have shot myself in the foot this time, huh?
It's this kind of thinking that is really not healthy for a person. Sometimes the way I go around and around with myself makes my head feel like it's going to pop. It would probably be easier if I had some other kind of outlet... but I don't write, really... I don't draw. I haven't even touched my piano in months (don't tell my mom...). My friends are, for the most part, out of reach (to no fault of their own, that's adult life)... and I'm sure they're more tired of hearing about it than I am talking about it... So I guess, for the most part, I feel like I'm on my own as far as handling it...
As far as staying positive, some days are better than others. The hardest emotion to stay in control of is my raging frustration that I could take out on anyone or anything. Sometimes I seriously feel like I could run through my apartment trashing everything, just to vent. So I try running and cleaning... and that seems to help...
I feel a little guilty, since I'm so focused on handling myself that I don't even know about Emil, and how he's feeling... but honestly I can't tell... I'm not even gonna start complaining about how he's handling the situation on my blog but... Yea. I'm not gonna say anything. I'm sure he has his issues with it but... it's not immediately apparent to me, and he's not much for talking about it, and anymore, I'm not much for asking.
For now, I will continue to hope that things get better soon... or that maybe a miracle will happen tomorrow and we'll be rich and I can stop worrying. Until then, I'll keep my nose to the grindstone and my chin up as high as I can get it...
If that's even physically possible XP
More and more I can't say no,
So afraid of letting go.
If there's something I can grab,
You can bet I'll pay the tab.
Counting all the flowers,
waste the precious hours,
I need to find some peace.
All these problems on my mind,
make it hard for me to think.
There is no way I can stop,
my poor brain is gonna pop.
And I don't have a purpose
scattered on the surface,
I need to find some peace.
woah-oh-oh-oh.
And all the broken tethers,
we can bring together,
I need to find some peace.
- "Peace," Weezer
Monday, April 4, 2011
All We Are
Confession time. Aren't you excited?
I'm scared. Terrified, actually.
Lately I've developed a toxic fixation. I've developed the dangerous habit of reading crappy love and relationship articles on MSN. This is quite possibly one of the WORST ideas I've had in a while. If nothing else, it's given me a lot to think about (much to Emil's chagrin).
These crappy articles are, typically, about couples who are facing, have faced, or have solicited failures within their marriages. These articles are sometimes very raw, going into gruesome detail about how ugly these relationships become, and the heartbreak that then ensues. And of course there's always the expose presented by a reporter, showing you the face and the reason behind why so many people get into these situations.
The frightening thing about it is that they remove the demon from the adulturer, they strip you of your preconceived notions about the kind of person who causes or emerges from a damaged union. They are just a person hurting another person. And aren't we all just people?
The scariest part is that we are all capable of the exact same thing. We like to think we are above it, each and every one of us. We want to believe that these are extreme cases of messed up people, and we'll never get they're. We're different from these people in some unexplicable way... But the truth is, we're not. You're not. And neither am I.
It's scary to think that not a single one of us is gauranteed a happy ending. Not you. Not me. Nobody.
And it's not even SO frightening to think we (I) could be the ones getting hurt. But that we (I) are capable of hurting someone else so thoroughly and fully and irreparably. I feel like it's something that all couples are going to end up doing over and over... But of course there are bound to be times that it's worse than others. And maybe every couple experiences this vicious cycle once in a while...
It's hard knowing that one day Emil and I will reach an impasse. This is not to say it hasn't happened in the past, and back then we could handle it. We did handle it. It was hard, but we made it. However, this isn't high school anymore, and the older we get, the more our problems will grow with it.
Bigger Obstacles. Worse Fights.
Part of my problem is that I know myself too well. I'm impatient and flighty. I like (I CRAVE) attention, and I like to flirt. I don't always put as much effort into something as I should. And while I like to pretend I'm better than running from my problems (I SO want to believe I'm better than running away from my problems) I'm not... When things get hard, I'll be the very first person to bolt, and willing myself to forget anything ever happened in the first place. I am self-destructive. I am selfish. I am stubborn.
I'm so scared that I will crack under the pressure. I'm scared I'll do something I can never undo. I'm scared that I will turn into another statistic. Like my parents. And their parents.
My constant prayer is that Emil will stay the same. That he will continue to be patient with me and keep me grounded... That he will continue to do as he's always done... and force me to face the bad times, and show me how to really enjoy the good times... I pray that he will continue to make me into a better person, to show me how to be a better person...
-sigh- I guess there's really only one person who can know the future... And it's not me...
I tried to paint you a picture
The colors were all wrongBlack and white didn't fit you
And all alongYou were shaded with patience
The strokes of everythingThat I need just to make it
But I can seeLord knows I've failed you time and again
But you and me are alrightWe won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't dieIt's just a moment of change
All we are, All we are
Is everything that's rightAll we need, all we need
A lover's alibiI walked a minute in your shoes
They never would have fitI figured there's nothing to lose
I need to getSome perspective on these words
Before I write them downYou're an island
And my ship has run aground...- "All We Are" One Republic
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Hold Me
I've been thinking about starting over a lot lately.
Picking up, disappearing, and never looking back.
I feel like here my destiny is being wrought for me... like my past is controlling my future in the way only coming from a small town can. It colors my reality in such an ugly and complicated why... it makes me feel a little disenchanted with the world.
And this makes me feel like maybe my destiny is somewhere else...
I want to find a place to belong. I think that's what we're all looking for in the end, right? A place that you can look at and say, "I'm home. I'm meant to be here."
There are times when I feel like I've never truly had somewhere like that. At the very least... It's been a long time. I think it's wrong when you can cite specific moments that felt like tangible times of true belonging. Aren't you always supposed to feel like that, at least when you're with family? I guess I don't really have that....
Maybe THAT is truly my biggest wish for the next year... Not that I could ever forsake what I have, since Emil has always given me a safe-haven... He IS home for me... But I guess what I'm looking for is... something other than that.
Whatever it is... I hope I find it.
I am terrified of all things.
Frightened of the dark.
I am.
You are taller than a mountain.
Deeper than the sea.
You are.
Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
I was closer to you back then.
I was happier.
I was.
You are fading further from me.
Why don't you come home to me?
Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
I am...
I am...
Cold.
Hold Me.
Picking up, disappearing, and never looking back.
I feel like here my destiny is being wrought for me... like my past is controlling my future in the way only coming from a small town can. It colors my reality in such an ugly and complicated why... it makes me feel a little disenchanted with the world.
And this makes me feel like maybe my destiny is somewhere else...
I want to find a place to belong. I think that's what we're all looking for in the end, right? A place that you can look at and say, "I'm home. I'm meant to be here."
There are times when I feel like I've never truly had somewhere like that. At the very least... It's been a long time. I think it's wrong when you can cite specific moments that felt like tangible times of true belonging. Aren't you always supposed to feel like that, at least when you're with family? I guess I don't really have that....
Maybe THAT is truly my biggest wish for the next year... Not that I could ever forsake what I have, since Emil has always given me a safe-haven... He IS home for me... But I guess what I'm looking for is... something other than that.
Whatever it is... I hope I find it.
I am terrified of all things.
Frightened of the dark.
I am.
You are taller than a mountain.
Deeper than the sea.
You are.
Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
I was closer to you back then.
I was happier.
I was.
You are fading further from me.
Why don't you come home to me?
Hold me.
Hold me.
Take me with you 'cause I'm lonely.
I am...
I am...
Cold.
Hold Me.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sometimes
New Years' Eve...
I can finally officially say goodbye to this beautiful, ugly, terrible, wonderful year.
I can only count the blessings of this year in contrast to the tragedies. If it weren't for the low points, I fear I may have neglected to make note of the high ones.
I have come to know and grown close to so many wonderful people this year. Thanks to these, I now know how I want to spend my time.
I have lost... so deeply... and the shock made me realize how I want to spend my time. Why waste another moment? I hope that I never again take the ones I love for granted...
I have enriched my quality of life by forgetting about forgettable people... People that didn't have my best interest in mind, and were only using me as a point of interest.
I have been on grand adventures, with the best of the best at my side. I hope to never forget the wonderful moments I have shared with the friends and family I have that really care about who I am and who I want to be. This is has been the most rewarding part... Sharing my life with others and having them share theirs with me. These are the moments that make me feel like this year has been worth something.
I have changed... and also have yet to decide if I like that change or not.
My hope for next year is that it will be even more full. I want to relax more, and take every moment as it is, the good and the bad.
I want to have more adventures, and spend more time with the people who matter. I want to spend less time trying to please the people who don't.
Most of all, I want those I love to have success and fulfillment. I want them to have the best years they can possibly have. I want to see them spread their wings and become the people they want to be. I no longer want to have to watch them struggle, because I know they deserve more than that... And I want those of my loved ones who haven't realized that to do so.
It's going to be a big year... I can feel it... Won't you share it with me?
And I say
"Sometimes, I feel like I can do anything and
Sometimes, I'm so alive, so alive
Sometimes, I feel like I can zoom 'cross the sky and
Sometimes, I wanna cry"
Most people try to aim to please
But a lot a them are kinda weak in the knees
Learnin' late about the birds and the bees
Fallin' in love and wanna be set free
Playin' ball at the age of thirteen
Everybody's growin' up with a dream
I never noticed what could happen to me
Time flies when you're walking the streets
One minute gotcha holdin' an ace
The next minute gotcha fall on your face
A mean city is a nasty place
Only a rat can win a rat race
Peace to the people who be fallin' away
To make it home today
And peace to the people who be tryin' to find
Some kind of life
Sometimes, I feel like I can do anything and
Sometimes, I'm so alive, so alive
Sometimes, I feel like I can zoom 'cross the sky and
Sometimes, I wanna cry
Yeah love never stop now
Our love will never stop now
Yeah love will never stop now
Our love will always shine
Sound of body and sound of mind
Sound of the rhythm and sound of the rhyme
Somebody marchin' all out of time
Biggest mistakes are the humanest kind
Judge not, lest you be judged
The court room or the Billy club
Blood bubblin' thicker than mud yo'
The heart beat rub-a-dub-dub
Show love and love who you know
Family wherever you go
Tokyo to Acapulco
Bravissimo, magnifico
Peace to the people who be losin' their head
Peace to the people who be needin' a bed
Love to the people who be feelin' alone
Spreadin' love upon the microphone
Hope to the people who be feelin' down
Smile to the people who be wearin' a frown
Faith to the people who be seekin' the truth y'all
- Sometimes, Michael Franti
I can finally officially say goodbye to this beautiful, ugly, terrible, wonderful year.
I can only count the blessings of this year in contrast to the tragedies. If it weren't for the low points, I fear I may have neglected to make note of the high ones.
I have come to know and grown close to so many wonderful people this year. Thanks to these, I now know how I want to spend my time.
I have lost... so deeply... and the shock made me realize how I want to spend my time. Why waste another moment? I hope that I never again take the ones I love for granted...
I have enriched my quality of life by forgetting about forgettable people... People that didn't have my best interest in mind, and were only using me as a point of interest.
I have been on grand adventures, with the best of the best at my side. I hope to never forget the wonderful moments I have shared with the friends and family I have that really care about who I am and who I want to be. This is has been the most rewarding part... Sharing my life with others and having them share theirs with me. These are the moments that make me feel like this year has been worth something.
I have changed... and also have yet to decide if I like that change or not.
My hope for next year is that it will be even more full. I want to relax more, and take every moment as it is, the good and the bad.
I want to have more adventures, and spend more time with the people who matter. I want to spend less time trying to please the people who don't.
Most of all, I want those I love to have success and fulfillment. I want them to have the best years they can possibly have. I want to see them spread their wings and become the people they want to be. I no longer want to have to watch them struggle, because I know they deserve more than that... And I want those of my loved ones who haven't realized that to do so.
It's going to be a big year... I can feel it... Won't you share it with me?
And I say
"Sometimes, I feel like I can do anything and
Sometimes, I'm so alive, so alive
Sometimes, I feel like I can zoom 'cross the sky and
Sometimes, I wanna cry"
Most people try to aim to please
But a lot a them are kinda weak in the knees
Learnin' late about the birds and the bees
Fallin' in love and wanna be set free
Playin' ball at the age of thirteen
Everybody's growin' up with a dream
I never noticed what could happen to me
Time flies when you're walking the streets
One minute gotcha holdin' an ace
The next minute gotcha fall on your face
A mean city is a nasty place
Only a rat can win a rat race
Peace to the people who be fallin' away
To make it home today
And peace to the people who be tryin' to find
Some kind of life
Sometimes, I feel like I can do anything and
Sometimes, I'm so alive, so alive
Sometimes, I feel like I can zoom 'cross the sky and
Sometimes, I wanna cry
Yeah love never stop now
Our love will never stop now
Yeah love will never stop now
Our love will always shine
Sound of body and sound of mind
Sound of the rhythm and sound of the rhyme
Somebody marchin' all out of time
Biggest mistakes are the humanest kind
Judge not, lest you be judged
The court room or the Billy club
Blood bubblin' thicker than mud yo'
The heart beat rub-a-dub-dub
Show love and love who you know
Family wherever you go
Tokyo to Acapulco
Bravissimo, magnifico
Peace to the people who be losin' their head
Peace to the people who be needin' a bed
Love to the people who be feelin' alone
Spreadin' love upon the microphone
Hope to the people who be feelin' down
Smile to the people who be wearin' a frown
Faith to the people who be seekin' the truth y'all
- Sometimes, Michael Franti
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